Fifty-Eight

First Impressions

      I was going to Earth...
      My stomach was in knots...Daddy had said it was fine...that I had to send a post-card or twenty...just one for everyday I was there...and had to take pictures...
      I couldn’t help but smile at Trowa, who smiled back and wrapped an arm around my shoulder...
      “It’s a perfect birthday present...” I muttered.
      Trowa’s eyes went wide and he looked at me a minute.
      I nodded, “Yeah, two months...I’ll be eighteen...”
      Nikki laughed, “No more jail-bait for you, Trow...”
      He gave her a look and she laughed harder.
      I smiled at Quatre, “So are we going to be near the ocean?”
      He smiled in reply, “Sometimes, we’ll be everywhere...”
      “But the Earth is huge...” Nikki’s eyes were a bit wide.
      He grinned at her, “It never occurred to me that you guys hadn’t been there...”
      She did this little shiver...shrug...happy...thing, not saying anything.
      Heero laughed and tousled her hair.
      She gave him a ‘Don’t’ look and he did it again. They started wrestling.
      “So where all are we going?” I asked.
      “Well,” Quatre thought a moment, “Everywhere...”
      I gave him a look.
      He looked slightly defensive, “What? We will...I’ll show you everything...”
      “Don’t forget why we’re going there...” Heero spoke up, and I looked at him, he had Nikki’s wrists, but they were both focused on Quatre.
      I laughed.
      They looked at me, “What?” she asked.
      I winked at her, but didn’t reply...not like I needed to.


      Earth...
      Again...
      It had been so long...
      “Heero?” Nikki’s voice was quiet as we sat in our room.
      I turned to look at her, realizing that she’d been watching me for a while, “Yeah?”
      “Is something wrong?”
      I shook my head, “No, I’m just...not sure if I’m looking forward to this or not.”
      She looked confused.
      “Every time I go to Earth, I end up fighting...a lot...but now it’s not only Relena I’ll be protecting...”
      She looked away, “I’m sorry...”
      I reached over and grabbed her hand, “Don’t be.”
      She turned back to me, not meeting my eyes, “I’m too much of a burden...”
      “No.”
      Nothing could convince me of that.


      “And here we are...” Quatre muttered with a smile.
      Nikki grabbed Heero’s hand tightly and he turned to her with a grin, “Problem?”
      She stuck her tongue out at him as we started for the door, he chuckled.
      We were quiet as we stepped out into the sunlight...actual sunlight...none of that artificial crap...
      I smiled, taking a deep breath of actual fresh...well, semi-fresh air...we were near a city after all.
      Kitty and the others were kind of standing there, Heero, Trowa, Quatre, and Duo were smiling as they watched their lovers first reaction to Earth.
      Too bad Sally wasn’t here.
      She had stayed back to help with the re-loading of the Gundams and wouldn’t let me wait with her...which was sort of a good thing, because I got to watch my friends reactions...but a bad thing because I already missed her.
      “So where are we going first?” I asked Quatre.
      He frowned slightly at me...Oops...I’d interrupted him watching Sam.
      I grinned.
      He smiled back and looked around, “The ocean, I think.”
      I gave him a look, but he didn’t notice, he was watching Sam again.
      Heero chuckled quietly, “I like how that cleared things right up...”
      I rolled my eyes, “I know...”
      But he too, had refocused on his lover and didn’t hear me.
      Well, this sucked...
      Relena, Zechs, and Noin came out next, Relena casting a ferocious look at Nikki and Heero, then smiled at me as she passed.
      It was really hard not to roll my eyes...or grin...
      “Missing Sally, aren’t you...” Zechs muttered, an arm around Noin’s shoulder as they, too, reached where I stood.
      I nodded, “These guys are impossible...not like I wouldn’t be under the same circumstances...but really...you’d think Quatre’d be able to say the name of where we were going, and not just mutter something about the ocean...”
      Zechs laughed slightly at that as Mari and Une joined us, they’d been in the port waiting for us.
      “Welcome to Earth...” Une started, then noticed that Heero, Trowa, Quatre, and Duo were oblivious. She smiled, shaking her head and focusing on me Zechs and Noin, “Nice trip?”
      I shrugged.
      “We’ve got to go.” Zechs muttered, “I’ll come back so you have someone to talk to who’s actually aware of their surroundings.”
      I chuckled, “You might want to get him,” I nodded to Quatre, “To tell you where we’re going.”
      Zechs grinned again. He and Noin headed for Quatre and Sam.
      Une had a slightly wistful, hurt look as she looked over my comrades, then focused on me again.
      I felt a rush of guilt.
      “I’m sorry...” I muttered, feeling bad that she didn’t have the man she loved...because of me...sort of...I’d come to accept that Trieze had wanted to die...but still...looking in the face of a woman who loved him so much...I shook my head, “I’m so sorry...”
      “Don’t be, Wufei.” she muttered, “I’m not...”
      I gave her an arch look and she smiled.
      “I’ve gotta go...”
      She turned and walked off, Marimea behind her...I felt another rush of guilt...his woman and his child...and he was dead...
      “What’s the matter, Wufei?” Kitty asked from where she stood with Trowa.
      I turned and looked at her a moment...she seemed to always be able to tell... “Nothing...” I muttered, my eyes flicking back to Une and Mari, my memory flicking back to what Nikki and Heero had said... “I’ll tell you later...”
      She was satisfied with that, and refocused on Trowa after giving me a wink.
      I sighed, it would be forever before Sally got here...not really, only one night...but with these guys acting the way they were...it would be ages.


      I sighed as I held Nikki...she was calm and relaxed as she watched the ocean.
      I only wished I could see what she was seeing...she never had before.
      Quatre caught our attention and we glanced at him, ‘There’s a better view up here.’ he informed us, mouthing it.
      We nodded and he smiled with anticipation.
      “Come on, Ai...” I muttered, “There’s a better view up ahead...”
      She paused only a second before starting after the others.
      Time passed and the sun started to set...Nikki was awed as she watched...I knew what she meant, and saw what she saw...it was nice to point a new color out to her and have her all grateful...they were being really loving...it was nice...
      “Remind me to point out any critters...” Duo muttered as we walked down a path.
      I smiled at him, “Not if I see it first.”
      “Not being selfish, are you?”
      I grinned a little larger, “And you’re not?”
      He grinned in reply.
      It was so nice to be here and not fighting...to just look and see with no pretenses...I mean...I’d watched the ocean the first time I was here...but I wasn’t making friends...or with them...that had been lonely...
      But now, I could let Nikki know what I saw and know that she appreciated it...


      Wufei glanced up at us as we entered Quatre’s beach house, looking like he had been pouting...
      “Oh, hey...welcome..” he stood, setting his book down and taking off his glasses.
      “Where is everyone?”
      He shrugged, “They went on a walk.”
      “Why didn’t you go with them?”
      He thought about that, “Because they all have their partners.” he shrugged again.
      I grinned at him.
      “You want to go on a walk with us?” Zia offered.
      He thought a second and stood with a sigh, “Sure...Just a sec...”
      He dug around a bit and pulled out a piece of paper.
      “What are you doing?” I asked, confused.
      “Leaving a note...” he signed it with a flourish.
      Noin looked at me, then back at him, “Since when have you been so considerate?”
      She was trying to make his smile.
      It worked, “Since I realized I could be...”
      We were gone maybe a half an hour when a cell phone suddenly rang.
      Quickly we all reached for ours, but it was Wufei’s, by the grin on his face, it had to be Sally, he waved us on, leaning against the railing.
      We didn’t say much as we went, enjoying the scenery.
      Finally Zia sighed, “This is beautiful.”
      I smiled, “Not as beautiful as you...”
      She laughed slightly, leaning up and kissing me, “That’s the way to get the brownie points...”
      I laughed in reply, “Who said I was after points? I’m serious...”
      She laughed, kissing me again, “I don’t mind...either way...”
      “I love you.”
      She kissed me again...I liked this type of positive reinforcement.
      “I love you too...” but she didn’t end the kiss...I could have said more...would have said more...but there’s only so much a person can do...


      “Wake up...Two hours...come on, we’re leaving in an hour and a half...people need to shower...”
      I was annoyed as Wufei’s voice woke us...he sounded like he’d been up a while.
      I opened my eyes, flinching slightly at the light, but I got a good view of him, “My my...aren’t we looking G.Q...” I muttered finally, opening my eyes.
      He looked pleased, “You think so?”
      I yawned, “Just don’t muss yourself...” he was in too good of a mood to note the satire, “Why did you wake us up if we still have an hour and a half?”
      “Because...I don’t know...”
      I laughed at him as Heero opened his eyes, “Wake us in an hour...”
      Wufei shook his head, “Nope, get up, get dressed. We gotta go...”
      I collapsed over onto Heero.
      “Shower time...get up...”
      Heero closed his eyes, “Wufei...go away...”
      Wufei laughed as I stood, heading for the dresser.
      Heero made a noise of protest.
      “You two must have had a late night...” Wufei noted.
      I grabbed my clothes, “We were watching the stars...”
      It had been a great night...no moon and no clouds...we hadn’t went to bed until four...and it was eight now...
      “Among other things...I’m gonna go make you lazy asses some breakfast...”
      I grinned, looking the bathroom over, it was as big as ours was at Quatre’s, but the tub was larger...I glanced back at Heero, if he wanted to join me...
      Wufei laughed again as Heero woke himself up and started to me, “Thank you, Nikki...What do you want for breakfast?”
      I yawned as Heero passed me, “Anything but pancakes...”
      Heero was also studying the bathroom, “Big tub...”
      I nodded, “You look tired...”
      He yawned, “I am...”
      “Hmm...I guess I’ll just have to wake you up...”
      He smiled at me, “Sounds promising...”


      This was taking too long.
      The trip was taking too long.
      Wufei wanted me to get there quick...he missed me and I missed him...I was getting too impatient. My shaking foot didn’t seem to bother anyone...and I just didn’t want to wait.
      The time it took for the descent to Earth was aggravating as all get out...
      His voice came to me again, I miss you, Sally...these guys are impossible...he had told me all about that...how they were doing couples things...and trying to include him...how he had to talk to Zechs...he respected the man, but they had never been friends...so this was interesting for him...we would have fun, when I finally got there.
      This trip was really taking too long...
      Then I was holding him...it was so nice to be with him again...I really should have taken Quatre up on that offer to have someone else load the Gundams.


      “It’s been two weeks. I think it’s about time we got our act together...”
      Quatre nodded, “I know...can you get Nikki to...”
      I nodded, “Yeah.”
      “Thanks.”
      I went into the kitchen where Sam, Nikki, and Trowa were fixing dinner.
      Nikki came over and kissed me, “What’s up, Ai?”
      I sighed, “Can you...”
      She shoved a cutting board, knife, and tomato at me, “Be useful?”
      I rolled my eyes and went to the counter, starting to cut it up.
      She sighed, “I take it the holiday’s over then?”
      I nodded.
      She shook her head, “Yeah. I will.”
      Not much more was said as we made our food and everyone gathered to eat.
      “I’m gonna start looking for bases tonight.” she muttered, “Who goes first?”
      It was nice that she could do this so calmly.


      There was a collective sigh, our holiday was, but wasn’t over.
      “I will.” Sally muttered.
      “Me too.” Wufei added.
      She looked at him.
      He shook his head, “I’m doing this.”
      “Wufei...”
      “Sally...”
      “Fine.” I agreed before they could argue.
      Everyone exchanged a glance.
      “I should have the info. before midnight. When do you go?”
      Sally and Wufei glanced at each other, “We’ll see...it depends on how far away it is and what type of security they have...”
      We were silent for a while, then Heero remembered something, “We still have to go see Relena.”
      I sighed heavily, not even looking forward to that visit.
      “What does she want?” Sam asked, glancing us over.
      I shrugged, “I don’t know...but I’m not exactly looking forward to this...” I trailed off, looking at Zechs.
      He didn’t say anything.
      Heero looked at me, “I don’t understand you sometimes...I mean...it’s not like she’s evil or anything...”
      I refused to say anymore.
      Heero seemed to sense his advantage and pressed, trying to get me to give him a reason.
      It was really hard not to tell him the outright truth...but I couldn’t do that...not with her brother here...
      No one tried to stop him, they listened with a removed aire as they continued to eat...pretending we weren’t there.
      I couldn’t take it anymore, I needed to leave, or break...
      I stood up and headed down the hall.
      No one said anything as I came back out with my coat and headed for the door.
      “You might want to go talk to her...” Wufei mumbled to Heero as I shut the door.
      I didn’t really care.
      There were clouds massing all along the coast line and the wind was up.
      I was surprised, with the spring-like weather we’d been having I’d forgotten that it could rain...
      There was a sheer drop to my left with a railing, to my right was a cliff with a look-out tower on the top. I decided to go there.
      My heart nearly stopped when Heero was suddenly beside me.
      “Oh my God...Ai...don’t do that...”
      He smiled slightly, “I didn’t want you to ignore me.”
      I sighed, hugging him, then pulled away and started walking.
      He followed me silently.
      “I’m sorry...” he mumbled finally as we came out on top of the look out.
      I took in the view, leaning against the railing, deciding to just tell him.
      “It’s just...” I sighed, “She makes me mad.”
      “Why?”
      “Because I’m scared.”
      “What?” he came over and wrapped his arms around my waist, “Why are you scared?”
      I didn’t look at him, “Because you loved her...”
      His arms tightened, “Loved. Past tense. I love you.”
      I sighed, “I know...but...I don’t know...”
      We stood there in silence for a while.
      He sighed after a while, “I hate to say it...but she’s just being obsessive...”
      I turned to look at his face, not sure what he meant.
      He was watching me, “A year is a long time. A very long time.”
      I looked back out at the ocean
      “And four years is even longer. If she wanted more than a dream...she could have found me. She found Quatre...and I know that wasn’t hard, but he told me that he’d given her my number and address...” he shook his head, “But she never called...and never got ahold of me...”
      “When we first met, I thought you were just being obsessive...with the way you watched over her...it didn’t bother me...”
      He rested his chin on my shoulder.
      “Then that day you had me come to the office...only to tell me you were leaving...” I shook my head, “That had to be the worst Christmas present I ever received...”
      He smiled slightly.
      “And then when I couldn’t change your mind...when my tears and yelling didn’t get to you...” I sighed, “Duo was confused when I came running out, crying. I couldn’t talk to him, so I told him to go ask you.”
      “I had to do it, you realize?”
      I nodded, “That’s when I first started to realize how much I cared for you...”
      He stepped back and I turned to face him.
      “I hated you that day...hated you for being what you were. For having to do things that could get you killed...”
      Rain had started to fall...
      “Then Duo came and I couldn’t sway him either...I was so scared...for both of you...then he just left...just walked off...ignoring what I was saying...”
      I remembered all the emotions I’d been feeling...and I could feel a tear slide down my cheek.
      Heero wiped it away and kissed me gently, his eyes were sincere and I knew he understood.
      “I hated him too...I hated you both for a while...watching the news constantly... hoping not to hear that either of you died...then when there were reports of the Gundams...I was even more terrified...”
      A gust of wind hit and I shivered slightly.
      “I felt bad about that. But I told Duo if he were coming with me he had to be at the port when I was ready to go.” he shook his head, “I couldn’t face you anymore...”
      I sighed as the rain fell harder.
      “Then, after all that had happened...” I could tell he was remembering as he shook his head, “I stood there watching her at that press conference...and I wondered how you guys were...if you would still want to be my friend...”
      “I don’t think you could ever do anything to make me not want to be your friend.”
      He shook his head again, “I could have stayed with her...I really could have...but I chose you.”
      That stopped me.
      “I chose you over her.”
      There was a throat cleared and we glanced to the door.
      Wufei and Duo were standing there, and from the look on Duo’s face, they’d been standing there a while.
      “It’s raining.” Wufei noted.
      “We hadn’t noticed.” Heero replied.
      “We noticed you not noticing.” Duo was on the verge of being amused.
      “How long you been standing there?” I asked.
      “Since just before he kissed you.” Wufei replied calmly.
      I tilted my head, “That’s a lot of rain you noticed us not noticing...”
      “And a lot of needed confession we didn’t need to hear.”
      I shrugged, it wasn’t like it mattered that they’d heard any of it. It had been the simple truth.
      I glanced at Heero, “We’ll never be friends, you realize?”
      He sighed heavily but didn’t reply.
      Wufei cleared his throat, “Rain...”
      We started for the door and they led the way down.
      “So...” Duo muttered, “Umm...” he was either going to ask about something he’d heard, or was trying for something to talk about.
      “Yeah?” Heero prompted.
      He paused, glancing back at me and shook his head.
      “What?”
      “Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to just walk off like that with all of you acting the way you were?”
      Heero grinned, “That’s right...you had to face all three of them...” he chuckled, “Sorry ‘bout that, Duo. I hadn’t even thought about it.”
      Duo shook his head, “That had to be one of the hardest decisions of my life...”

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Kyeian