Forty-Nine

Finding Out

      “We have to tell them, Nikki.” Duo said sternly, sounding like he’d said it a few times...that didn’t sound like Duo.
      “Duo...”
      That couldn’t be Nikki...it was too...too...submissive...
      “...you know how...”
      I accidently scuffed my foot and Nikki was silenced.
      I came around the corner, feeling guilty.
      Duo let out a sigh of relief, “Hey, Kitty...”
      Nikki was watching me intently.
      I smiled slightly at her, “He told me.”
      She turned to Duo, her look outraged.
      He held up a hand, stopping her, “It was an accident. And I didn’t tell...” he glared up at me, “...her. It was completely unintenional and the conclusion was drawn from her knowledge.”
      Nikki gave me a look.
      I smiled at her, “Was he good?”
      Duo tensed a bit, watching her intently.
      She gave him a look, but ignored me.
      I started laughing as he relaxed and then gave me a level look, “Who else is stalking us?”
      I shook my head, “Everyone’s downstairs or out.”
      He nodded, then looked back to Nikki, “We have to tell them.”


      I couldn’t hold it in anymore...all the anger that had built up...he had...had...I punched him hard. He went reeling back a few steps, managing to catch his balance, “You son of a bitch! How the fuck could you? Huh, Duo? You knew, you fucking knew!” I pushed him.
      He regained his balance again after a second, stepping back again, wiping his now bleeding lip as he looked to the ground, “I’m sorry.”
      “Sorry? You’re fucking sorry? You fucked her, Duo. You fucked her...You knew I wanted her and...” I swallowed.
      I couldn’t believe it. He knew...he had known for years...and he...she...how could he? Now some of his joking comments about her he’d made...the ones that were right...made sense...How could he?
      Nikki was sitting on the end of his bed and Kris was in a chair she’d pulled up. We were in Duo’s room and Duo had just informed me of why he was acting odd when Wufei had left.
      He’d slept with Nicole.
      “Heero...” Nikki’s voice broke in softly.
      I turned to her.
      She was near tears.
      I shook my head, “What happened...”
      “You told me that you didn’t sleep with him...” Kris broke in, seeming impassive as she watched Nikki.
      Duo looked to Nikki, shocked and annoyed, “Nicole...”
      Nikki shook her head, “No, I didn’t.”
      Kris looked annoyed, “Yes you did. I asked you and you said...”
      “That it was Duo.” Nikki finished for her, “I told you it was Duo and then told you that Heero thought I’d given him a hand job.”
      I looked to Kris who nodded slightly.
      “Stop doing that.” she told me, her tone hiding hurt, “You can trust me, it’s not like I’d lie to you...”
      I turned to her, she had no right to be pissy...
      “I don’t know what to think when you look to Kris, questioning my word. I will not lie to you.” she shook her head, “I could never lie to you...”
      I took a deep breath, “I do trust you, Omaesan, but I don’t know how well...”
      “Heero...” this also sounded hurt...and exasperated, “He won’t lie to you either...”
      I met her eyes... “You do realize that we’d already established that I wanted you...”
      “You wanted me?” she demanded.
      I closed my eyes, rethinking, “That’s not what I meant...”
      “But it is what you said.” Duo informed me.
      I turned to him, he needed to shut his ass up.
      “What? She said I won’t lie to you, and she’s right. I won’t. I’m sorry. That’s all I can say. Shit happens...”
      I pushed him hard and he tripped backwards over the coffee table.
      He stood, ready, he knew I was gonna kick his ass.
      “Heero, stop!” Nikki’s voice had lost some of it’s confidence.
      I turned on her, “Now you’re protecting him?”
      “I don’t need her protection, Heero.” Duo said, seeming to spit the word, his voice was cold, “I never have before, and I never will.”
      I turned back to him, “You slept with her and you knew...”
      “That she was willing?”
      I started at him. No one could have missed his slight smirk.
      “This isn’t solving anything.” Kris cut in before we could fight, standing and holding her hands out so we would have to move her before we could get to each other.
      I really wanted to kick his ass...and he was willing to return the favor...from that look in his eyes...
      “So, do you love me, or want me?” Nikki was pissed, her tone as cold as Duo’s.
      “Nikki, I love you. I have loved you, and I will love you. I’m just...pissed that it happened at all...” I glared at him, “I thought you were my friend, but evidently, I thought wrong...”
      “I am your friend...That’s not the reason we didn’t say anything.” Duo was still pissed, “You think I wouldn’t have told you without extenuating circumstances?” he shook his head.
      Nikki nodded, “We both agreed it best not to let her know...”
      That shocked me, “You...”
      She nodded and he looked to the floor, his stance relaxing.
      I looked at him, “How could you do that?” I shook my head, “You not only betrayed me, but Sam too...She...” I turned to Nikki. “How could you do that?”
      I was shocked, and could tell Kris was too.
      She shook her head, her eyes downcast, “Sam was never serious about him...”
      “As if that makes it all right...”
      “There you guys are...” Sam’s voice came suddenly from the door and we turned. She looked us over, “What’s going on?”
      I waved her in, “Well...” as I started talking, she came in and sat down beside Nikki on the bed.
      It made me feel better, and bad, to see Nikki staring at the floor. I knew she felt bad, and he did too, but...Screw it...


      Coldly, seeming unemotional, Heero told Sam what had happened.
      I felt bad, not sure how she’d react. I couldn’t meet her eyes, I stared at the floor near Heero’s feet instead.
      At one point I glanced up, Duo had a hand on his forehead, not looking at anything but the floor also.
      I felt really bad for getting him into this.
      Sam boiled the story down to a few harsh, biting sentences and headed for the door. “Fuck you too.” she told the room in general right before she left.
      I bit my lip and looked up to Duo, we met eyes a moment.
      After the door closed he sighed.
      “We shouldn’t have waited so long.” I muttered.
      He nodded and followed her out.
      I turned back to Heero, he was glaring at the door.
      It hadn’t occurred to me how upset he would be...
      I met his eyes, “Umm...”
      “Just drop it. This is between him and me.”


      Heero told me what was going on.
      I sat down while he talked, noticing Nikki staring intently at the floor while Duo cradled his head in one hand.
      “So,” I said, looking thoughtfully at Duo, wanting to make sure I had it right. “You fucked her while he wanted her and you were with me. And you,” I turned to Nikki, “didn’t say a word. Thanks.” I stood to leave. “Fuck you too.” I waved a hand in the general direction of, you know, people, and I left.
      I wasn’t quite to my room when Duo came up behind me. “Sam...”
      “Must’ve been in seventh heaven for a while, hmm?”
      “What?”
      “Oh, isn’t that every guys dream? To play the field? Get layed by as many chicks as possible and not get caught? Why ever did you confess? It was perfect; you had it all...”
      “Sam.”
      “What? Are you going to console me with the fact that you and I weren’t that serious about each other? That we wouldn’t have stayed together anyway? Save it.” I shook my head. “That’s not why we broke up, and you know it. We broke up because I couldn’t trust you.”
      “That hurts.”
      “Fair’s fair, isn’t it? How do you think I feel? It isn’t that it happened. It’s that neither of you told me until now. How could you?” I could feel tears stinging my eyes.
      He wrapped his arms around me in one of his typical Duo bear hugs. I let myself collapse for a moment while he murmured apologies.
      Pushing away, I smiled up at him. “But it’s all okay now, isn’t it? We, all of us, ended up with perfect matches.” I giggled, “Even Wufei...”
      Suddenly a throat was cleared somewhere behind Duo. He moved aside to reveal Quatre, who looked a bit perplexed. “Are you okay?” he asked me. I nodded, moving toward him and brushing away my tears with one hand.
      Kissing him, I added, “Wonderful, in fact.”
      “What’s going on?”
      I pursed my lips as I thought about it.
      “You know we dated once?” Duo asked.
      Quatre glanced at him and nodded.
      “Well...while we were together...I sort of...”
      I could tell he didn’t want to explain.
      “Slept with Nikki.” I finished for him.
      Quatre’s eyes went round as saucers and he looked down to me, then back up to Duo.
      “And he only just told me.”
      Quatre was staring at Duo.
      Duo laughed. It was his uncomfortable ‘I know I fucked up’ laugh.
      I shook my head.
      “Sorry?” this was to Quatre.
      I turned and smiled slightly at him, “You better be, Asshole.”


      I rolled over, facing the wall as Kris drifted off into sleep. I felt bad about Sam finding out that way...Heero finding out at all...about it happening period.
      Sam had already told everyone. They were all looking at me as if I’d sprouted wings and horns.
      That, of course, made me feel worse. That was just what Sam wanted. I’d hurt her, to say the least, and now she was returning the favor...in a Sam fashion.
      I remembered Nikki laughing and flirting that day...which merged to her near tears after Heero had punched me. She felt bad...like it was all her fault...she didn’t realize what I’d been thinking...
      I knew that I wouldn’t be able to sleep for a while...
      Thud
      What was that?
      Thud Thud
      It was coming from Sam’s...
      Thud
      I stopped outside the door, Nikki’s car was the only one I’d seen outside...and I knew that Sam had went to her parents...
      Thud, pause, Thud Thud
      I couldn’t stand here like this...even if it ended up she were busy...but the noise wasn’t rhythmic enough...
      I opened the door.
      Thud
      Nikki was punching the wall...
      “What the hell...” I started toward her, noticing the disarray the room was in. Pillows and blankets were scattered about. Books were...not on shelves. Papers covered the floor near the computer. The phone was ripped from the wall.
      Thud
      “Nikki...stop!” I came up behind her, “What are you doing? What’s the matter?”
      She took in a deep shaky breath, not looking at me. “I just talked to my brother.” her tone was cold and hard.
      Thud
      “And you’re playing bloody knuckles with the wall, why?” there were small smears of blood in a little circle, making the white surface seem pinkish, “You’re losing, too...” I grabbed her wrists and pulled her away from the wall.
      She smiled slightly at me.
      I shook my head, “Come on...” I pulled her toward the bathroom.
      She followed me without resistance. I pulled a rag out of the cupboard and got it wet, starting to wipe her knuckles.
      She sighed and sat on the counter, “My brother’s being an ass.”
      I nodded, he tended to be. For some reason he didn’t like Heero or me...couldn’t be because we were Gundam pilots...could it...I smiled slightly.
      “He told me to stop hanging around with you guys or he’d make you sorry.”
      That was surprising...to an extent...for a number of reasons.
      “So you decided to beat the shit out of the wall?”
      She rolled her eyes. “Be serious.”
      I shook my head, “I think not.”
      She smiled, “You sure?”
      I nodded, raising an eyebrow, “Positive.”
      I started putting the band aids on her knuckles and she laughed.
      “What?” I demanded playfully.
      She grinned, “You didn’t kiss ‘em and make it better...”
      I stopped what I was doing, she was acting strange...
      She laughed again.
      Actually, she was acting flirtatious...
      “Nikki...”
      She smiled again, “Sam went to see her folks. She won’t be back ‘til tomorrow afternoon.”
      Really flirtatious...I met her eyes, confused...why was she flirting with me?
      If Sam was going to be gone all day...I needed entertainment...I quickly buried that thought...that wasn’t what I meant by entertainment...or at least, shouldn’t be what I meant by entertainment.
      “Kris went to work at five. And Kat’s out with her friends.”
      I nodded. “All right. Where’s Heero?”
      “I have no idea...” she said acidly, “He disappeared earlier, I don’t know why. He told me Wufei was coming...He’s probably going to go fuck someone...before he picks him up.”
      I chuckled, Wufei was already here. Heero was just avoiding her. He didn’t want them to...become too friendly. Wufei would move in quickly...Heero didn’t want to lose Nikki to Wufei.
      “What?” she demanded crossly.
      I tried to stop smiling, “Nothing...”
      Which was my mistake...she slid off the counter and moved just a little too close...my buried thoughts began losing cover.
      “You sure?” she made it sound seductive...
      I swallowed, moving back, “Yes...”
      She smiled, following me, “So you’re not going to tell me what’s so funny?”
      Here was a dilemma...tell her and piss off Heero, or don’t tell her and...only God knew what would come of that.
      “I would if I could, but I can’t...” Maybe if she understood that...
      She now had me pinned to the wall, her hands doing interesting things. I looked down at her, shocked, this was much further than she’d ever went with me when no one else was around...
      “You can’t?” she asked, toying with the top button of my shirt...
      God...she looked innocent...
      I swallowed again, trying to think of a way out of this...and other things than... “No...”
      She pouted at me a moment, then purred in my ear, her hands running over my chest and stomach...lower...lingering...
      I closed my eyes...
      Then she was gone.
      I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.
      I shut the bathroom door quickly and locked it, breathing deeply... It would probably be better if I found entertainment elsewhere.
      I could hear her laugh, “Don’t make a mess...” she called.
      I rolled my eyes, I wasn’t planning on that.
      I opened the door and stepped out.
      She was cleaning up her mess, she smiled at me, “That was fast...” her smile turned naughty, “We still have some of your clothes upstairs...Sam washed them for you...”
      I shook my head, “You know I didn’t do that.”
      She smiled even larger, “You’re ruining my fun...”
      “Well, seeing as its at my expense, I don’t mind too much...”
      She dropped the pile of papers on the desk and came toward me.
      Nothing I could do...
      She hugged me, burying her face in my neck, “You’re too sweet...” she murmured.
      Now that was not normal game behavior...I hugged her back, “Thanks, now if you’ll step back...”
      She did so, smiling coyly at me from under her lashes.
      “Nikki, what’s going on?” I demanded, not sure if I trusted this...she was switching from game mode to...need of comfort...mode too quickly.
      She shook her head, receding, “You’re too good of a friend. That’s all.” she watched me a moment with unreadable eyes, “You might want to leave now...”
      “What?” That didn’t make any sense.
      She leaned fully against me, tucking her head under my chin, “You might want to leave now.” she repeated.
      Unsure about the entire situation, I wrapped my arms around her and she looked up to me, seeming surprised, “Nikki, I don’t know what’s going on, but I do know that you shouldn’t be left alone right nommm...” I started to say ‘now’, but suddenly she was kissing me...and I couldn’t help but kiss her back...
      Confusion wasn’t my only problem.
      I broke off the kiss, “Nikki...”
      “I warned you...” she muttered, kissing me...the kiss was hungry.
      Why was I resisting?
      I broke the kiss off again, Heero would kill me...it was one thing to think it, but another thing all together to do it...
      She wouldn’t let me.
      No matter how many times I pulled away, she would kiss me again, each time, it was harder and harder to remember why I was resisting this...
      We started to the bed...lay on it...her hair curtained my face...she started on my shirt buttons...I rolled...my jeans...her shirt...her jeans...
      I sat up, looking around...this wasn’t Nikki’s bed.
      Kris was laying beside me and opened her eyes, “What’s the matter?” she muttered.
      I took a deep breath...remembering that that’d happened in the past, that now Kris was with me and we were at Quatre’s... “Nothing...just a dream...”
      “Mmm...you wanna talk about it?”
      I pulled her close to me, “No.”
      “All right.” she muttered, already falling back to sleep.
      But for me, sleep wouldn’t come...and if it did, what would I dream of?
      My phone rang and I answered it...suddenly aware of Nikki beside me...
      “Duo?”
      Shit! It was Heero...I sat up.
      “Yeah?”
      Nikki sat up too, kissing my neck.
      “Where are you? You said you’d meet me at seven...it’s nine...”
      “Uh...” I turned to look at Nikki, thinking fast.
      “Who...” she started.
      “No one...” I lied, knowing she’d take the phone from me to talk to him...if Heero even heard one word from her...I kissed her hard...stopping her from asking anything else, “Shh.”
      She frowned slightly.
      I winked at her, running my fingers through her hair and over her lips.
      “Duo?”
      “I’ve got to go.” I told him, pulling back from her, hanging up.
      “Who was that?” she asked, laying me back.
      “No one...” I muttered again, returning her kiss.
      Kris shifted, waking me again...why did I dream about the past? Why couldn’t I just dream of something pointless and insane...just like anyone else...
      “Nikki...” I gasped as her hand moved lower, trying to pull away.
      She had me pinned again.
      “Stop...”
      But she didn’t.
      Instead, she kissed my neck...It felt so good...and it was so hard to resist...
      I gasped and leaned fully against her...I had stopped thinking. All my protests were long gone...
      When I did start thinking again, she was watching me.
      She pulled back slightly, flicking her hair as she re-buttoned my pants.
      Something was at the edge of my awareness but I shook it off.
      She smiled at me, “Go take a shower.”
      I looked down at her, glad she was here at the same time as I felt like shit. I really didn’t want to end it with her...or Sam...and I definitely could not tell Heero...he was beginning to wonder, too.
      She had stayed the night at my apartment again...without telling anyone...again.
      It was going on a week now...and it was fun.
      “Go on...” she kissed me and started to the kitchen.
      “Nikki...” I was going to suggest telling Sam. If Heero found out...well I needed to deal with those consequences...
      “Go take a shower...”
      “What about Sam?” she didn’t know about Heero... “We can’t keep doing this. We need to do something.”
      She stopped and looked at me, then shook her head, “What she doesn’t know, can’t hurt her. Do you realize that if we tell her it will be over?” she sighed, “I feel bad about it too, but, Duo, do you really want to end it?”
      “That’s not a fair question.”
      She smiled at me again, “Go take your shower...”
      “Duo...hey, Duo...you gonna wake up, or miss breakfast?”
      Kris was shaking me.
      I opened my eyes, when had I fallen asleep?
      She grinned at me, “I wish I could sleep like that...the alarm went off a half an hour ago and you pushed snooze...I got up and got dressed though. Nikki got you some food...”
      I blinked, looking at the clock, seven twenty-three...it occurred to me what had been wrong...it was a dream, and I knew it...it had happened like that, but it also had been a dream...and I’d known it...
      Kris bent down and kissed me, “You getting up?” she asked again.
      I smiled and kissed her, “Only if it’s worth it.”

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Kyeian